kristin has been a bad kristin
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
