We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
