my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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