so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
