i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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