Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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