all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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