I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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