I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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