If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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