Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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