I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
