At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
