oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
