meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
