We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
