I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
