Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
