dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
