After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
