tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
