Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
