I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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