I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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