Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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