why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
