it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
