is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
