dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
