I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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