her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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