I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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