My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
