and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
