im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
