remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
