Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
