He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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