shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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