We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
