im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
