the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
