I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Do you have feelings for this penis?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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