when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
