just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
