Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You work out of a Hotel?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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