Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
