Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
