Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
