Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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