So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
