She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
