bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This baby is an asshole
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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