She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
