I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just cropdusted the office
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
