drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
