i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
