sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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