Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
