I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
