can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
